EDITOR'S NOTE: In an attempt to keep this website at least somewhat decent, the language in the following joke has been toned down considerably from the version Steve Leuthold originally told me.

The piano player at a really classy cocktail lounge in Boston quits, and the manager is auditioning new ones. The final candidate is especially good, with a repertoire that includes both standards and show tunes.

"That's just great", says the manager, "but can you play anything else?"

"Yes", came the reply, and a really beautiful melody echoed through the room.

"That's wonderful", said the manager. "What is it?"

"It's my own composition", came the proud reply. "It's called 'I Love You So Frigging Much I Could Just Poop!'"

"That's a horrible name for such a pretty song", came the shocked reply. "Have you written any others?"

"Yes", came the reply, and an even more beautiful song ensued.

"What's that called?" asked the manager.

"Two Sissy-Boys Hugging and Kissing In The Corner."

"Look", said the manager, "I've never heard anyone play the piano as well as you do -- but this is a high class place, and we can't have names like that floating around in here. I'm going to hire you, but under one condition -- you must never, under any circumstances, tell customers what the names of the songs you wrote are."

The piano player agrees. The first night, he has the room hanging onto every note as he plays a selection of old standards. He concludes the first set with one of his original compositions and heads for the mens room, where he runs into a patron.

"You play just beautifully", said the customer, "but I didn't recognize that last song you played. What was it?"

"Oh, that was an original composition", came the reply.

"But what's it called?"

"I'm sorry", said the pianist, "but I can't tell you."

"Oh" was the disappointed reply. "By the way, do you know your fly is open and your thingee's hanging out?"

"Know it? I WROTE it!"

-- Steve Leuthold

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